Men are so stupid. This guy who has been after me for a year or more now happened to call desperately yesterevening. I was in no mood to meet him but his persistent phone calls broke down my defence and I gave in.
We met at 6:15 in the evening and we drove around. He said he missed me and wants me. And then he added that he loved me. I told him as I sat there straightfaced that I was not about to get swayed by that talk since he was anyway to marry.
“No see,” he said, as he got the car engine to shut up, “I am not sure about that.”
“That,” I said, “is as good as saying you are to marry.”
“Why is life so complicated?”
‘Well it isn’t. It’s simple. You make a choice and then deal with its consequences. Not that you do not know what those consequences are!”
He began to drive again. “I don’t know what to do,” he said, “I cannot say no to marriage.”
“Then you will have to say no to me. If you marry, it changes our equation.”
“It will?”
“Oh yes it will. I won’t be able to meet you like this – for sex.”
Had he to be in love with me, he would have at least felt offended. But no, he went on to the next question : “How about we talking? Will you talk to me if I marry?”
I said yes but I knew I would not. That he would have to realize.
Anyway, he drove on. I had to get off at Sion and he had to go further, to Worli. But before this, we had to pass through the Bandra Kurla complex.
Now lanes in Bandra-Kurla complex – at 7:30 in the evening – are pretty quiet and lonely. In fact, they are more or less deserted. He parked the car at a spot off one such lonely lane, we got into the back seat and began to make out.
“I love you. I love you,” he panted as we tasted each other’s lips.
I ignored that and kept kissing.
Moments later, it was “Marry me marry me. You don’t know how much I want you.” as our tongues searched each other.
“Ho ho ho ho,” I snickered amused that he thought me so daft, “you don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Why is life so complicated?” – this as he was about to let go of his trousers.
“I don’t know. I don’t see it that complicated.” And I let go of my briefs a moment later.
By then, we were making out a little more and he wanted to fuck. I hate that so I ignored that as well. This he took notice of and then decided he had better take what I was giving.
So he climaxed a few minutes later, I took a while to do so, and then we got dressed.
We walked about the area for a while making mundane conversation. I also went through my thoughts and actions and realized all this sex was of no use. It was meaningless, really. I was lusty and so was he. Infact, I caved in to his plea to meet me all because I was lusty. Once the lust passes, I feel sick and repelled by the person who helped me consummate my lust. And I was feeling no different about this fellow either.
I hinted at that as we drove home. I said I was in this phase wherein I was doing away with random sex and was letting my old idea of having sex only with my life partner creep in.
He did realize what I was trying to say and so vehemently opposed my idea. He began to tell me how stupid it was and how I must not control myself and how my hormones would make things difficult for me.
“Well,” I said as I kept a stone face all throughout, “I am doing something that works well for me. This works for me and so I will do it. The rest can go to hell.”
“Don’t punish yourself.”
“Hello? Who is? I was punishing myself by doing things that I thought would do me good. But they haven’t. So it’s best I go back to stuff that made me feel good about myself.”
Now to that he did reply but I had already shut down my hearing system. I somehow managed to turn the topic to something less interesting and kept it at that till I got out of the car at Sion.
“See you soon,” I said and smiled
“Yes see you and he drove on.”
I know I never shall and I hope he knows he never shall, too.
