A Joke Gone Wrong

Christmas came and passed us all. I was in a sombre mood so it didn’t affect me much. But it seemed to have a rather unusual effect on my sister. Initially,  she threw herself in the festive cheer of the season and baked cakes, stirred up some delightful fudge, and then also lost several pounds pounding away on the milk cream dough.  So far so good.

A few days later, she lost her cool because I joked about her putting on weight. It was a simple harmless joke. It did border on being a little risqué, but I contained it well within the limits of decent humour. Yet, she frowned, told me to get lost, and talk like that at a certain relative’s place – a relative quite known for such ‘rubbish’.

The moment she castigated me for that, I had no idea how to react. There I was all smiles and animated about what I was telling her. And there she was icy and as sharp as a knife in her word choice. I did not let go of my smile – I remember – as I turned back from her room to the hall, but I do remember I fell silent rather too suddenly for my own comfort.  I sat on a chair and looked out of the window at no object in particular.

More than being insulted, I was surprised, really. Yes, surprised. I wasn’t feeling humiliated at all. That I no longer let myself experience. But yes, I was surprised.

She called the joke vulgar. It was about how she had put on weight on her behind. And yet, she saw no vulgarity in poking fun at my weak stomach and the number of times I hung out in the loo.  That apparently was all in good taste, but my joke about her hips reeked of garbage.

Well, I was quiet for a while till I could contain my anger. Anger – when in me – boils to a volcanic temperature and tries to burn down everyone around.  Luckily, I don’t let it do so these days for after the burning, I and I alone have to face the brunt. Anger avoids such confrontations.

So once my anger died down, I let myself talk. And lo and behold! I wasn’t talking, I realized I was quarreling. I told her in no uncertain terms I did not see what she found vulgar in what I said just as she was blissfully unaware that her taunts about my hangouts in the loo could be vulgar.

Well, needless to say, she refused to accept that. But of course, she did not say so. Instead, she put on her face of disagreement and yelled, “Fine! I will not joke about it then! Happy?”

I merely shut up.

No point in arguing, really, when the crime had already been committed.

Segregating Ways

I told Mother Dearest I want to leave the city and go to a small town. She looked up at me and after a moment continued to bargain. I continued to tell her how displeased I am with the way things are right now and how I think I am entitled to a little happiness.

A full five minutes later, as we walked down the lane that led to our apartment, she said: “I know you are unhappy and you are free to go wherever you choose to. But just remember starting all over in a new place is difficult. I am just telling you. There’s a lot you will have to take care of – laundry, cooking etc.”

“Really Mother,” I said, quite irritated,”I am not the only one who will be shifting all alone to a new town. People have done that before and I am sure they did have teething problems to face as well. But they managed and so will I.”
“Oh I am just telling you. Later you should not say you weren’t warned and then get all disillusioned and come back.”

“Come back!” I repeated in an exasperated tone,”Who is thinking of coming back? Seriously, Mother, you cannot expect me to come back to all I do come back to these days.”

Things at home are a volcano of sorts. We decided to buy a house, but Father will have none of it. He refuses to back that decision monetarily and so, our plans to live in a space that is truly our own have not yet taken flight.

Yes, when I said we took a decision, I meant Mother, Sister, and I. Father never is a part of our decisions for his plans are always tangential to ours. We want to shift to the Central Suburbs, but he insists on going house-hunting on the Western line – more specifically in and around Kandivli and Borivli. The reason being his relatives reside there.

So, he – and his relatives – have this plan in which we stay close to their place and end up being their servants! Mother will cook for them, take care of them, and Sister and I will be their punching bags. Now we will never let that happen and Father has gotten to know how abnormally stubborn we are on that. So, he finds relief in acting all frustrated about the fact that his family doesn’t listen to him. Truth be told, he never considers us to be his family. He may have been a father and a husband and may have carried out his duties, but when it comes to trusting our word over theirs, it’s always they – his sisters and their progeny – that win.

As a result, Father and us are never ever at peace. He finds the silliest of reasons to pick a quarrel with us and we do the same.

Now the thing is I am tired of it all. I realized not so very long ago that all this quarrelling and snapping and sneering is leading me and my family nowhere. I am all the more depressed after every bout of such a war and I have not the heart to stand all this bitterness anymore. So I decided I had better pack my bags and go find my own happiness.

After all, I am 30 now and I am entitled to a little happiness you know. I cannot always be unhappy when I know of way to smile. It’s just that I ignore those ways for they involve me separating my path from that of my family.

I was thinking about all this that day when I told Mother I wanted to leave. And I think she understands. For after I had that conversation with her, she hasn’t ever bothered to tell me to reconsider.

I think Salvation is quite close. Probably, it’s standing outside my door!

Father makes me Sigh

It’s raining, I arrived in office early, and yet I can’t seem to finish what I had planned to.

My headache has returned all over again. To make matters worse, Father Dearest is not being all that dear in his behaviour at all. He has been complaining about my behavious towards him: Apparently, he says I do not ask him about his health. Well, that he was sick I got to know through Mother Dearest. He did however volunteer to tell his nephew about his condition, but us -Sister and I – he will never even so much as take us into confidence.

Naturally then, we leave him to his own devices. Now even that he doesn’t like. Well, so we asked him about his ailment and all we did get to know was information we already knew. And it was told to us as if he was extremely hesitant to disclose it all.

I don’t understand my Father at all. He will vomit all our secrets and all our problems – and his problems too – in front of his darling nephew, nieces, and his sister and her husband, but in front of us – the family that takes care of him, that knows how violently brutal his temper is – he clams up and never even tells us what his relatives are upto.

I wonder whether all Fathers are the same. If they are, well, I can do without interacting with mine!

About anger, boredom, irritation, etc.

My stomach growls as I write this and I am at a loss to understand why I am writing anyway. But write I will for I must…

I was rather irritated by my colleagues today. Their incessant joking triggered a bout of irritation in me and since I could contain it no longer, I just let it take its course…

It all began with them teasing me about a woman who reports to me. She’s married and well, I am gay. But of course, they do not know the latter. And they try their best to link me with her! Scandalous as it sounds, I let it pass: partly because I did not mind it but mostly because I thought the joking and the teasing would die a natural death…

But no, it didn’t. On the contrary, it worsened: The other day, as we were standing near the company gate, they passed several acrid comments as the woman in question passed by and she was within a earshot distance from us.

I told them there and then that they had better stop for it was getting loud, crass and rather annoying. But no, they would not.

So today, as we stood near the company gate after lunch, I was in no mood to tolerate any of that rubbish. The moment it made its presence felt, I walked away.

Evidently, they were all shocked at my behaviour. But there was little I could do for my behaviour had a mind of its own then. Eventually, by tea time, I had cooled down and went with them all for tea.

They too had thrown all remembrance of the ‘joke’ out of their heads and we indulged in mundane dull conversation.

A Cough Rather Pesky

My throat’s sure to ache a lot by 9:00 pm tonight. Already, it has begun to ache in places close to the my left ear. In a while, I will start to cough. Oh there! I did cough. And now, it’s making its intention quite obvious. It wants me to languish in bed all Sunday.

Now that is something I am not about to allow. So off to the chemist I will saunter,

And some medication for this cough I will procure.