I just got back from a small outlet of Subway’s here close to my office. Since I am not really in a mood to lunch, I bought a sandwich – a measly veg. sandwich whose price can be termed anything but measly!
I somehow don’t feel that bored these days. Infact, today, I wasn’t bored at all. I wanted to do things at work - which is a departure from my usual behaviour.
Probably, I did decide to get up from the right side of the bed!
Busy day today. Lots of work to do. Bosses can be such dunces. Mine sends me a project plan – a blank project plan – and expects me to put in dates for my part of the cycle. Well, I pointed it out to him that I need the completion dates of those parts of the cycle on which mine depend on.
Oh yes yes! Very good idea, he exclaims as if he had just got to know something that will contradict Newton’s Law of Gravity!
Well, anyway, I got to know later, that the plan – as usual – is just an eyewash!
Ah! It feels nice to know some things never change!:)
My phone’s screen morphs into an electric pink. It’s the wallpaper that I set without much thought. My colleague seated just a desk away is seriously considering some e-mails though he appears to be staring at nothing in particular.
People walk by in the corridor blissfully unaware I even exists. Of course, the ones who know me peer into my cabin – that I share with my colleague – and nod or just stare and move on.
My boss sits next door. He’s all set to wind down for the day – just like me. MY head aches and my neck wants to tilt to my right side. I tilt it and my neck begins to hurt as well.
I am bored as you can make out from the paragraphs above. And this Christmas, I seem to have presented myself with tonnes and tonnes of boredom. I will not be going anywhere, will not be entertaining anyone – in short – will not be doing anything worth screaming from the balcony about.
And to think I was the one way back in the 1990s to be very very excited about the most wonderful time of the year. I don’t feel anything about it at all this year. Perhaps, the recession took its toll and robbed my enthusiasm. Perhaps I am fed up of my job and am disgusted that I cannot – despite my abilities and talents – find another to make me happy.
Oh this Christmas chugs in with ennui written on its mistletoe. I am neither happy nor sad that it’s here. It’s here because it’s that time of the year when it just has to arrive and make way for the New Year.
I don’t seem to have hopped onto its bandwagon of cheer and joy though. I feel tired, worn out, and seem to carry a whole truckload of fatigue along with me.
And that truckload, that tiredness, and that weariness just doesn’t want me to get onto the Polar Express…
My head’s aching but I have to plod on or else, it’ll be apparent I am with a headache. In office, the golden rule is not to have a headache. That way, no one gives you unwarranted attention. But the moment, you get even a slight wrinkle on your head to indicate how horribly your head throbs with pain, you have had it.
Everyone will have an opinion about the way you should deal with it. Everyone will insist you go home, and no one will bother to leave you alone…
I think I am much better now. At least I am much better at pretending to be better. I cannot and will not stand the Grand Opinion and its cast!
What am I doing today? Let’s see: I am approving timesheets that have collected in my interface and have been lying there for more than a month.
I am also about to start with a new chapter in the Help file and oh! It makes me sigh and yet I am glad to have work. These days that is most reassuring.
Among other things, I hope to God that the lead writer from Canada doesn’t call today. If he does, I will have to sit back till 7:30 perhaps and so, miss my driving class. But then I don’t seem to mind sitting back once in a while. The Canadian lead writer is charming and so full of verve, it’s always a pleasure to talk to him. Do I have a crush on him? No. Well, probably I do. But I don’t think it’s one of those crushes that waylay your day-to-day activities and make you all mushy and muddled in the head. It’s just a pleasant nice feeling that makes me smile when he calls.
So, probably, I will have to sit back and he is sweet enough to wrap up the call in 30 minutes.
—
I noticed something yesternight as I switched the lights off and got into bed. I had cut down my intake of porn! Oh yes, I am not kidding. Believe you me, I haven’t surfed for the flesh in a while and that is quite an achievement. I had begun to worry whether I was becoming a porn addict. I would spend hours surfing porn and downloading full-length feature films with hardly a storyline and ample amount of naked flesh in every scene. Well, it did make me ecstatic, but you know once I was done with it, the ecstasy would crash onto the floor and a quick violent feeling of ennui would seize me.
Dealing with that was a big big headache and of course dealing with the actual headache that ensued after I had climaxed was even worse. There were times I wanted to skip work the next day after a bout of porn and masturbation. But only because these are tough times and the recession would have leapt in to take advantage of the situation, I would drag myself to office and pretend to be unwell to account for the glazed paralyzed look.
This happened so frequently, I myself was shocked at my behaviour and so, decided to do something about it. I tried – with all my might – to not go to xtube.com and xvideos.com and I put in a truckload of effort to concentrate on a book to fend off the urge.
Well, I will not say I am over it: That will be an outrageous lie. It’s just that I know I have it under control now. And it isn’t the bother it was until a few weeks ago. I just hope it remains this way. After all, I cannot afford to look perpetually spent. Besides, I need to earn to recover money spent as well.:)
Oh what a day! Began late and updated my resume at 8:00 in the morning. I then realized I had indeed to go to work. So, I dressed and caught the 312 right outside my apartment block. It was empty and I dozed like a maniac in the bus: I have not been sleeping well of late. I am awake till about 12 am and even then I am in no mood to sleep. I think of Sujay sometimes. I watch porn at times. And it all comes to nothing. I don’t even get the satisfaction of slapping the ugly man who wrecked my heart in so spectacular a manner.
Anyway, so I reached office and Peter had sent me an e-mail message. That was a relief to see! I thought Peter was cross with me for not letting him know that I work on other projects as well. But it seems he is not. For not only did he assign me work, he also called this evening and was, as usual, a charm to talk to. Had it not been for him, I would have left this company long back.
I also had to deal with the boss – the Executive Director (ED). He’s a royal pain in the most forbearing places and what’s more? He’s British as well. I expected him to be better behaved in terms of professionalism, but he turned out to be just the same as his Indian counterparts: He doesn’t know what he is managing, he doesn’t know his work, he doesn’t know how to even show interest in the things he is managing. And worse! He knows zilch about documentation. I made him understand half the terms involved in that sphere and yet – even after extensive sessions – he asks me the most stupid questions he can come up with.
Then there’s that other character – Sreeni. Such an idiot he is. He stands as if he’s drunk. Usually, people stand straight when they talk to you in office, but this guy arches himself backwards. So, we get a rather detailed view of the extent his paunch has grown and the unusual shape it has given him. As if that is not enough, he talks as well and how! He’ll claim to have done X and then deny it altogether only to admit to have done it the very next day! Sreeni -is f0r all practical purposes – quite a puppet who refuses to listen to his master all because he thinks he can think on his own!…
I am feeling so sleepy. I could – actually I can – roll my head to one side and it will roll off my neck.
Directors are such headaches. The one I work under is useless. He just cannot convince his boss that whatever it is I am doing isn’t exactly going to take merely to hours! As a result, I got into a little heated discussion with him and told him that I thought his boss was expecting the Moon and in so doing, was being very unreasonable!
Well, the fellow just shakes his head vigorously and reiterates that he can tell the boss how difficult it was for us to finish the task. But thereafter, he gave me no concrete solution to this problem at all.
I guess he has been inducted into the fold!
I am in office early. Why? All because I have to finish stuff my big boss and the bigger boss sat upon. It’s a 228 page document. I just hope I finish on time!
Last minute! All last minute. They want it formatted and reviewed at the last minute! My Director of Operations is an ass. And so is my Executive Director. Infact, the ED is a bigger ass than the DO. He should have at least told the DO he cannot get all of it done by tomorrow afternoon!
But no, he instead makes puppy faces at me and gets me to do the job!
May he and the DO rot on the way to hell!
The day’s been hectic and yet manageable. I happened to finish an entire report on something totally worthless if it’s taken out of the company’s context. I also happened to finish half of the other task I planned for today. Well, I think I am sounding like a manager these days and the sentences before this one seem to be endorsing that thought!
The headache is no more today but you never know when it will turn up. Headaches are unpredictable. No denying that. But I wish they could be foretold. I would not plan for that whole day then.
